God, being the charitable being S/He is, decided Trump couldn't be all that bad. "Perhaps," S/He mused, "if I take all that he brags about as merely the goals he strives for and not the accomplishments he's claiming, I will find some redeemable qualities in him. I'll try him out before he can become President and let him run Hell."

Last May, God gave Trump that chance. We've received a copy of God's final report.

Upon taking office, Trump noticed that half of the workforce weren't Demons, but were souls that had crossed the barrier from Purgatory in the hope of having some relief from that grey tedium. They had been working in the heating plant and were quite industrious. 

Trump knew he had to put a stop to this, so he took money from the General Fund and enlisted the Damned to build a wall to stop the influx from Purgatory. Rather than pay them, he put the money into Trump Construction Charitable Trust and used it to build a nine million foot tall statue of himself.

With no money to pay the Demons that were working double shifts in the heating plant, the demons went on strike and the heating plant ceased fanning the fires in August. Since September 9, 2016, there has been no heat in Hell.

So, for all you voters that are upset about Hillary's email or the Clinton Trust, God wants you to know: It's the cold day in Hell you required before you'd vote for Hillary.

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